You Were The House I Wanted To Grow Old In (XXXVI)

I had been falling for you
the whole month of last June.
I was just a homeless boy
with everything to gain
and nothing to lose.

Your windows were your eyes
casting a warm light
through this cold room
that found me on the couch
the sun was in my eyes.

I felt at home with you
panic attacks in the bathroom
our bodies had the same marks
we were dark from the same heart
blackened by our ex’s.

I had moved into your heart
and closed all the blinds
and boarded the door shut
cranked up the heat
hoping to warm you from the inside.

I felt lucky to have you
and proud when your hand
was holding mine.
Saturday St. Valentine
I grew insecure.

By December gray skies
seasonal depression
situational depression
self inflicted depression
thank you for your safety.

But than you left me
and evicted me from your heart
and now that room no longer exist
as you fill it with something
or someone else.

I remember that one time
when I asked if you liked
me all tatted up and you cried.
I had already lost your respect
when I reclused into you.

I haven’t been looking for a new house
because I love you (as a concept) and
me (as a house cat) that is turning feral
in the cold streets and bottles of whiskey
I am a ghost that no one wants to see.

You blocked all my desperate calls
held my love under water through silence
drowning my love for you out
it is my problem now
I just wish I would drown.

You Were The House I Wanted To Grow Old In (XXXVI)

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