Every Time

When I was a child I spoke as a child

Understood as a child, and thought as a child.

My wrongdoings were misunderstandings

But through time and punishment

I came to learn.

More time passed and I became a teen

With a greater sense of right and wrong.

I chose to deny those things

Desired by my inner being

Too self conscious to ask her out.

Than I became a young adult

and spent many hours finding fault

Of my lack of experience.

In a world of girls that move too fast

I hid within myself.

Now that I am a man I am

To put away childish things

And to know how to raise myself;

Despite being an abandoned kid

Trapped in a thirty-two year old body.

In some ways I am a man

But more by age and not behavior.

My relationships (and I don’t mean just with girls)

Suffer because I was never taught

Through punishment, time, and experience.

Hindsight is torment in a love struck mind

When there is no way to unsay the past.

All I know is that

Those things I wish not to do… I do

And those things I want to do… I do not.

Every time my phone rings I hope it’s you

Every time a car door slams I look for you

Every time I lay down I reach for you

But you are not here and I am.

A barber once told me that your hair still grows after you are in the grave.

I believe him because when I lay down this pen I’m going to go shave.

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Every Time

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