When I was a child I spoke as a child
Understood as a child, and thought as a child.
My wrongdoings were misunderstandings
But through time and punishment
I came to learn.
More time passed and I became a teen
With a greater sense of right and wrong.
I chose to deny those things
Desired by my inner being
Too self conscious to ask her out.
Than I became a young adult
and spent many hours finding fault
Of my lack of experience.
In a world of girls that move too fast
I hid within myself.
Now that I am a man I am
To put away childish things
And to know how to raise myself;
Despite being an abandoned kid
Trapped in a thirty-two year old body.
In some ways I am a man
But more by age and not behavior.
My relationships (and I don’t mean just with girls)
Suffer because I was never taught
Through punishment, time, and experience.
Hindsight is torment in a love struck mind
When there is no way to unsay the past.
All I know is that
Those things I wish not to do… I do
And those things I want to do… I do not.
Every time my phone rings I hope it’s you
Every time a car door slams I look for you
Every time I lay down I reach for you
But you are not here and I am.
A barber once told me that your hair still grows after you are in the grave.
I believe him because when I lay down this pen I’m going to go shave.